Sleepover

Dear Sabrina Banana,

"Why don't you want to take care of me anymore?"

You have been asking us this question more and more lately. You see we are slowly training you to learn how to take care of yourself. Maybe daddy and I should have done this sooner, but we cannot help wanting to take care of you. We do realize that we need to let you grow into the person God wants you to be. So we need to start training you to be more independent.

Last Friday, you were invited to join a sleepover and despite our apprehensions . We trusted the people you were going to be with and I knew they loved you and would take care of you like we would. We were glad that you were able to experience this. You were just as apprehensive as we were. You were wondering who would take care of you, etc

You did it. You told me you were nervous during certain parts of the sleepover but you still tried your best. I couldn't be any more proud. I'm looking forward to more activities that would help you grow in your relationship with other people.

Love ya,

Momma

Independence, Self-Reliance and Gushing

Dear Sabrina Banana,

I love you so much and I would love nothing more than to spend as much time with you as possible. I would gladly and happily be with you forever if I could…but I can’t. My ego, my being, the mother in me are all aching to baby you. I want so badly to have you dependent on me, I want you to need me, to be reliant on me. I want you to have to call out my name first thing in the morning just because you need me. But I know that’s not good for you in any way. It would be doing you a disservice if I didn’t prepare you for the time I might not be with you anymore.

In a few days, you would be turning 5. That one year from 4 to 5 might not mean much in the greater scheme of things but for you, that one year spells a myriad of changes and development. The most significant for me is how much you have been striving for your independence. My heart is bursting with so much emotion, there’s sadness at losing your complete and utter dependence on me (as when you were inside my stomach), then there’s joy….joy that you are growing beautifully and developing according to your age. And of course there’s pride. Can any mother talk about her child without pride? I think not. I’m proud of the ways you are advanced, and of how you persevere inspite of any delay in your development. Lastly, I am humbled. Humbled that among all the women in the world, God chose me to be your mom. That despite my shortcomings and mistakes I was deemed worthy to raise and guide you throughout your life.

I have to recognize that I don’t own you and that despite coming from me, you are not me. And so I begrudgingly start letting you go and you are lapping up independence like your life depended on it. Yesterday you bathed, brushed your teeth and dressed yourself. Not an easy task for a kid with fine-motor delays…yes you struggled but you kept trying and you persevered! The excitement in you was palpable upon seeing your “success”. You asked me if I was proud of you…”Always” I said, and I meant it.


That night, I was resigned to not being needed anymore. Yet before you slept you looked at me and said “Mommy, do you want to snuggle?”. I smiled and said “Of course I do!”. At that moment,
I realized that letting you grow up did not mean losing you. It simply meant getting to enjoy you differently…maybe, just maybe in an even better way.

Love ya,

Momma