I Choose You

Dear Sabrina Banana,

When I was a kid, I had a friend named K. K was pretty, she was always neat, she spoke well (and clearly), she was responsible, she went home from school with her hair, uniform, and bag all fixed neatly and perfectly, she was also smart and got amazing grades (she graduated Valedictorian from her grade school and high school). Gramma would always say "Look at K...". I resented that. I know now that what she was saying is "Honey, you have every thing and more to achieve what K is achieving...but you're not even trying"; but at that time what I was hearing was "I wish you were K" or maybe "I wish K were my daughter instead".  That didn't feel good.

As a mom, I see those interactions differently. I know that no imperfection of mine would make my mom think less of me. I know that she would never ever wish I were someone else.  I am loved. But that love meant that she cannot allow me to stay in a state that was less than my best. That love meant that it hurts for her to see me live and act so far below my potential. Yes, it hurt her. 

I feel the same about you. I see you. I see the things you are amazing at. I see your struggles. I see the times when you are not even bothering to try. I see when you are doing just enough to get by. I see when you are not giving it your best. I see when you don't want to try out of fear. I see it all. Sometimes it frustrates me, sometimes it saddens me. But all the time, the love is constant. All the time I am happy you are my daughter. All the time, I would choose you over every one else. 

Love, 

Momma

To The Daughter I Didn't Know I Wanted

Dear Sabrina Banana,

       It's been a while since I last wrote you a letter.  It may be because I've been so busy. Or maybe it's because I find that I am now able to talk to you directly. I started this blog because I had this great fear of dying when you were very young and you not knowing about me or worse, you not knowing how much I loved you.  Throughout the years I feel more secure in the thought that you will know and remember me and that you are secure in my love for you. I hope I am right in both assumptions.

I write this as you and Dad are watching a chorale concert. I refused to join for 2 reasons. First, the thought itself bores me to death. Second, whenever there's a chance for you to bond with your dad...I try to give way so you guys can have your time together. So anyway, back to this concert. I am so surprised that you asked dad if you could watch this.  I've come to realize that being your mom is God's way of constantly surprising me. It's His way of reminding me "My ways are better than your ways..."-- He is, of course, right.

I had different ideas about motherhood you know. The time you were conceived, your gender, your interests, your attitude...I had specific ideas of what I thought I wanted in my child. I thank God every day that he didn't give me what I thought I wanted. Oh thank God He didn't. Every moment from the time I found out I was pregnant, it feels like being given a present...a present I didn't realize I needed and wanted but now can't get enough of. Sometimes I feel sorry for other parents who don't have this specific present to be honest 😝 (hehehe).

A few years ago, I wondered about the kind of young lady you would become. I imagined your preferences, your attitude, your disposition, your interests, your heart....God surprised me once again with the kind of lady He designed you to be. I love talking to you. I love the way your mind doesn't accept arguments just because people tell you they are true. I love the purity of your heart. I love your quest for finding out what's right and why it is right. I love the way you research topics to death. I love your wit and dry humor. I love how deeply you care....I am sad about the way you try to hide how much you do.  I love the way you devote yourself so fully to projects and endeavors you care about. I love that you talk to me about your hurts. I love how I can talk to you about so many things that most kids can't handle yet. I love how your serious side is balanced by a crazy, silly one.

It sometimes hurts me when I realize that you don't see how wonderfully you were created by God. It hurts when I realize how you see yourself sometimes. I pray that God will allow you to see yourself in the way Dad and I see you. Or even better, that God will allow you to see yourself in the way God sees you! I pray that you also realize that Dad and I know that you are not perfect. No one is (though Beyonce and I are very close to being perfect). The thing is, when we see that flaw...it does not, it CANNOT lessen the love we have for you. Not even a little bit.

Love,

Mom

Lessons Everywhere

I banned Spongebob Square Pants (the TV Show) from our home. This devastated Sabrina. She really enjoyed watching a few episodes of the show (she was given a dvd as a present) and couldn't understand why she couldn't watch it anymore. 

I told her that everything we watch, listen to, read changes us whether we like it or not and that we need to be careful and mindful. It took a few times but eventually she understood the idea.  

Yesterday I gave her this book: 

It was supposed to be for our homeschooling but she was so excited that I let her read the two-page introduction. 

Sabrina: Wow. Did you choose this because I will learn things from this book?

Liv: Yup

Sabrina: Like what?

Liv: Well first you'll learn new words.

Sabrina: I know what this book is teaching me. It's teaching me that people who are different from us can also do great things.

Liv: Oh wow honey. Yes that is probably something we can learn from this book.

Sabrina: And that ____(name of her friend) is still special even if I'm taller than her/him.

I was floored!! Reflection and application? That's high level learning! Love it!

I wrote more about this book over at my other blog. 

Play with Andrea Day

Dear Sabrina Banana, 

Most parents looking at me would think I spend all the time with you. Not a lot of people know that even if I am technically at home with you, I do have a lot of other things going on. I go to school, I train for our church ministry, i have bible studies, I do counseling, I do parent coaching and i do corporate training. 

The time i have left is divided between you and dad. A lot of times we spend a big chunk of our time homeschooling and  talking. It is a considerable amount of time but I somehow forgot that you are a kid and you need play. The other day you told me that I don't play with you as much anymore. This broke my heart. 

A part of me wanted to get defensive and say "What? Are you kidding me? Do you know what I'm sacrificing to stay at home and teach you? And now you're saying that's not enough?"....that was my pride talking. I decided to take what you said humbly (whether or not it was accurate is not the point, you are sharing with me your   perspective and I should honor that) and say 

"I'm so sorry honey. I know I've been so busy. I really can't play with you   tonight because i have a meeting then I have to go to school but i have an idea. On Thursday, I will not work at all the whole day. No studying, no computer, no playing games on my phone. This Thursday will be the PLAY WITH ANDREA day"

You were beyond excited. I asked you to plan our day. You started making a list of games and activities which even included dancing and some snacks. 

You had a running countdown and last night you told your dad "Mom and I are going to play the WHOLE day! She is not going to work at all thy's why she spent Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday working so hard"

It takes so little to make you happy. Some games, some snacks, yet sometimes i forget. Thank you for reminding me and for loving me through my mistakes. 

Love ya, 

Momma

Think Happy Thoughts

Dear Sabrina Banana, 

God created you with such a powerful mind. You have the power to change things around you, to change yourself all with how you think. I hope and pray that you grow up knowing of this power and being able to harness for your good.

Your mind can also work against you. When you focus on things which are bad, you start to feel bad...you start to look bad...you start to be bad. Avoid this by feasting your eyes not on things on this earth but on God above.

Love ya,

Momma

Conversations with Sabrina: Of Giants, Evil Robots and Secret Code Names

While reading the book "The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe" Sabrina and I came across a giant named Rumblebuffin. We both found this name adorable so I started saying that since her dad is so tall we can call him Mr. Rumblebuffin, I will be Mrs. Rumblebuffin and Sabrina will be Rumblebuffin Jr. We called these our "top secret" code names. I did this just for fun but Sabrina wouldn't have any of it unless there's a reason. So I told her:

Liv: What if, there's an evil robot who looks just like me and you need to find out who your real mom is. So you have to ask us "What's your secret name?" and the one who can give you the correct answer is your real mom.
Sabrina: Please (in a very bored way as if I'm talking nonsense) why don't I just throw water on both of you and the one who gets broken is the evil robot.
Liv: Yeah, that's a better plan.

How to do Time Outs - Tips for Disciplining your Child

Hop on over to my other blog to see tips for doing time outs:

CLICK HERE!